Thursday, March 19, 2020

Enjoy Today

I'm not sure what to write. I'm not sure what to share. I just know that I will begin writing more. Not for you, not for me, but for my kids. I want my kids to understand that our life, as we know it, has changed forever. It's crazy to believe this or recognize it, but it has.

We are nearing the end of our first week of no school, one member in our family has already lost their job, one person is working more than ever, and two are being told they will get paid through this process. Uncertainty is around every corner.

Our family, from the first day President Trump mentioned in his first remarks that "everything is fine", we knew it wasn't. And now? It isn't. Thank goodness we followed our gut and went with what we read through his bullshit.

Today I woke up deciding to write more, do less restricted school work, and to love more. We are not guaranteed anything. This virus is moving quickly and no one is exempt. I worry about my son who is in another city. I worry about my young daughters. I worry about my husband who is on medications. I worry about me. I worry about my sister who is a cancer survivor. I worry about my oldest daughter who feels a great responsibility to protect her parents because she is afraid of losing us.

I used to worry about writing to much, too personally, to raw, to whatever. I'm so tired of worrying about what others think, what they want, what they will interpret, and what they wish to be offended by. Today starts a new day for me. I will write every day. I will write my thoughts, my fears, my hopes, dreams, and my life.

To be honest, this all feels so expected. I feel like my whole life I have been preparing for this kind of situation. I am a fighter and a survivor.

I won't over-edit, I won't second guess...I will just write.  Follow along if you wish or unfollow. It is that simple. I love my readers and I love to respond to questions and thoughts, but I won't pander to anyone anymore for the sake of a follower. I am writing to my children and their children.

My first bit is to simply enjoy today. Enjoy the simple beauties of this Earth. Enjoy your family. Enjoy the little things. I look around and see my world-changing and I want nothing more than to protect my family from what is happening, but it seems like an uphill battle. I am choosing today to simply appreciate the beach, our health, our ability to have become debt-free over the last year, the joy we feel for the warm sun, the love of our chickens who are giving us eggs each day, and so many other things. My kids are still asleep. This is my time to appreciate the fact that I can still write, have a positive attitude, love them, teach them, and show them how to endure hard situations.

I've said this before and I will continue to say it, "it's not the struggle that matters but how you handle the pressure and the stress which details our future lives". We are showing compassion to others by offering help and mindfulness. We are allowing all the feelings to be explored. We are coming together as a community to share this burden.

I don't know what the future holds and maybe I don't want to know. Maybe it is too grave to fully understand, but I can control today and how I choose to move forward. Today we will enjoy it.

Enjoy today Rye, Drake, Isabella, and Finnley.

Love, Mom

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