Friday, January 17, 2020

How do we Change the Rules of our Lives?

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Have you ever just thrown a wish or a thought out to the Universe to see what happens?

Putting your intentions into motion to see what manifests in our lives might sound scary. Some days it is, but on other days, your intentions are heard, seen, and you get answers. This is how I find peace in my world. I accept that there is an energy that exists to help and guide us when we ask for it. I am always surprised at what I find, at what I didn't know I needed, and how the words written by others have shaped the person I am today. Ask for what you need. Ask your spiritual "guides or God" for the things you need. Put what you want out into the Universe and see what happens. This is the first step in changing the rules of your life.

I was scrolling through a few Instagram accounts and stumbled upon Jackie Cantwells. She had a long post about the decision she has made to live an authentic life and to be herself. She describes how freeing it feels. She describes how she changed the rules of her life to fit her authentic self.

One area of focus she discusses is challenging the rules. This really made me stop and think for a day or two. We are surrounded by rules. The key is knowing which ones to follow and which ones to pass. There are rules for safety, crowd control, political movements, financial situations, parenting, our places of employment, partnerships of marriage and relationships, etc... In her message, she is discussing the rules we make for our life or life plan. 

We are over-loaded with rules and shoulds and musts which were mostly instilled upon us at an early age by parents, teachers, church clergy, and employers. Rules can consume us if we are not careful.

Rules are necessary, but some rules can be changed or revised. Getting to a certain age (like myself) I became over-burden with my earlier life plan rules. I made a change. I consciously had to rewrite how I was going to live my life. I wanted it to include happiness, adventure, travel, my family, employment on my terms, and a sense of purpose. I personally was tired of going through the motions of my life, but not on my own terms.

I am not one to often say that rules need to be broken. I don't make a habit of breaking rules. But the rules for my life plan? That is different. My life today looks much different than it did when I lived with my parents, from when I was newly married, from when I had my first child and my first job. I will challenge life path rules because they are usually rules I didn't always get to choose. Some things I chose but changed my mind or left behind. Religion and politics come to mind. My views today are different from my 20-year-old self. I rebooted and started new. I rewrote the rules for my life.

Life rules are some of the heaviest and hardest to break and rewrite. Often, the way we live our lives is because someone we loved influenced us at an earlier age.  Changing a view, thought, or action may feel like a betrayal. It may cause others to cringe. It is hard. Change is hard.

Below are a few suggestions I have chosen to do in my own life. Of course, we are all unique and come from a variety of backgrounds and environments. What would you add to this conversation? What changes are helping you to live a more authentic life? Have you been met with resistance from others? Are you happier? 

Please leave comments and let's start a discussion about living our most authentic life.

Become comfortable with being misunderstood.  Change is hardest when it involves other people, especially those we love the most. To be your authentic self requires a person to be willing to put themselves first.  I read this in Walking in this World by Julia Cameron.  It is so true. To be authentic and the rule-maker of your life, you have to be willing to be misunderstood. Why? Because people will challenge you and your goals, values, and self. You have to be okay with being okay with having thoughts, ideas, values, and goals that don't meet the needs of those around you.

Reset boundaries. We have walls and boundaries from early in our youth. It is how we protected ourselves from getting hurt and becoming vulnerable. Being vulnerable with our authenticity as we get older doesn't get easier, but it does become necessary. The older I get the more I believe this to be true. In my 50's I have attracted the right people into my life because I chose to put myself and my needs first. What has this approach done for me? It allowed me to feel fulfilled, to feel heard, to balance my life better, and to be a better mom, friend, and wife. It forced me to stop projecting my wants onto other people. When I decided to listen to my desires and wants, I became less codependent on others. I stopped projecting my happiness onto others. I became more independent.

Set goals. Keep a journal. I write three pages every morning. Write out your goals. Make a vision board. Tell a friend. Practice positive affirmations to allow yourself to be open to new goals and visions of your life. Start small. Work towards those goals to create the life you want with the rules you made.

Listen.  Turn off the radio and TV. Put your phone down. Find a quiet place and listen. Listen to the young child that wants to be heard, to the person who wants to be active, the inner being who wants to try something new, the individual who wants to change the rules but doesn't know where to begin.

Find your inner voice. Not the voice in your head that holds onto the negative biases, but the voice of you longing to do certain things, the promptings to be a certain way, the authenticity of YOU.

Connect with nature. We hear this a lot and it is true. Fresh air is a clearing process. Walking on a trail, along the shores, up a mountain, or riding your bike, scootering, or swimming are suggestions.

You will need to rise to your best self to live your best life, which means:

You make your own life plan rules. 

I am far from being completely transitioned to my authentic self. I can tell you, though, I am almost there. I feel alive and vivid. I feel full of life and adventure. I see myself as valid, important, and satisfied. I don't feel vacant, left behind, empty, or unsatisfied. My family gets the best of me. I encourage them to be their authentic selves too. Together we are creating a platform in our home of loving each other as unique, diversified, and whole people.

My Book List for 2020

The Untethered Soul by Michael A Singer

A Weekend to Change Your Life by Joan Anderson
Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
All About Love by Bell Hooks
Walking in this World by Julia Cameron 
The Millionth Circle by Jean Shinoda Bolen, MD (New to list)

*This is not an ad. I do not make any money off of the links above.

1 comment:

  1. Love this article. You make wonderful points, on so many levels. Thank you for sharing!


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