Why am I sharing all of this? Well, because it's who I am. These moments are not unique to just me. This is life. These types of events are happening everyday to families, to mothers, and to women. We feel at times empty. We struggle to find balance. We try to be everything to everyone and leave ourselves in the dust. It happens. Shit happens.
I have learned a great deal about finding a community that elevates who you are and hope to become. This is an important part of building and retaining my happiness. I feel the road was long and rough at times but these past five years were all worth it. The home we have created is beautiful. We love living at the beach. Our marriage is solid. Our kids bring us joy.
I am happy. Happiness does not equate to perfection. It means that I am able to swing back and forth between the highs and the lows with out hitting rock bottom. We spend a lot of time at the beach. Our whole family feels a connection to the waves, the wind, the sand, and the smell of salty air. If I felt lost before I feel found now. I am home.
This means change. Change for my blog. I have tried and struggled to do the whole food thing. My own eating habits change constantly as we are still trying to figure out what is going on with my auto-immune system. I have recently had all the allergy testing done AGAIN. I have been told that I have a very sensitive immune system and that I need to visit a rheumatologist and we need to start looking at a possible Lupus diagnosis. I'm not ready for that so am trying to control my symptoms with diet. I am back to a strict vegan diet. It is the only things that keep the inflammation, redness, foggy brain, aches and pains at bay. It's hard. I am frustrated. I have felt so alone with this journey and at rock bottom on some days. I am pulling the plug on my food only blogging format. It is too depressing because I am so limited in what I can eat and prepare. I feel the fun I experienced of cooking and creating is gone. I started to pull away last year because of my frustration and this year I made the decision to do something different. When I felt the spark return, while at the beach, which I had originally felt with cooking, I knew the beach was my way to keep writing and to stay connected.
Change is good.
I love the beach and all that it offers. Through my Instagram account I am finding that others feel the same way I do. So I am trying to re-brand myself into a lifestyle blog. I hope to share lots of beach things as well as some food recipes. The ocean is my happy place and I feel compelled to share this joy with others. The beach is a sanctuary and it is here that I have found a connection like no other place that we have lived. It might be the coolness of the air and water to my firey personality or the constant beauty that I am surrounded by. Whatever it is, I will never let go.
These are a few things that I have been thinking about writing in several blog updates, and, well, it all came out in one post. I just regurgitated my last year with its highs and lows for the world to see and dissect. Oh well. Life happens and we either sink or swim.
Thankfully, I am turning into a great swimmer.
A few images from my Instagram account below in a collage. I would love to see you visit me over on Instagram. I share daily updates there. I will try to write weekly on my blog. I am still on Facebook, Twitter, and StumbleUpon. I have some great Pinterest boards too. My second semester is ending today and I will have a lighter load this summer. I am hoping this gives me the chance to write again. I love writing. I love the beach. I'm pretty sure I can weave a tale or two combining my two loves.
Have a joyful day!